Dealing with Teenagers by Head Teacher, Greenfields School

21 Oct 2015

Does your teenage child communicate to you until you finally just give in?

“Okay, okay, I’ll let you go out if you stop bothering me about it.”

“If you do your homework on time, I’ll let you go to the sleepover even though it’s against my better judgement.”

“I told you yesterday that he couldn’t come over, but I’ll let it go just this once.”

When you say “No”, do you really mean “Maybe”?

Sometimes, to make your own lives easier or because you want to be “friends” with your child (and sometimes because you might feel guilt or shame about something from the past) you might fall into the trap of bargaining with your child in an unworkable way.

When you are unclear about which rules are negotiable and which are non-negotiable, this kind of bargaining can occur. It may resolve an immediate conflict, but can also indicate that you are losing your authority.

As a parent, you have the experience, knowledge, and wisdom to keep your kids safe and make good decisions for your children. Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to negotiate and compromise with teenagers. Where there is no potential harm, power can certainly be shared. Where there is the potential for harm, though, the matter should be non-negotiable.

For younger children, choosing which friends they have sleepovers with, what parties they can attend, or how late they can stay out at night should not be open for negotiation or discussion. Nor should a young child be allowed to choose not to go to school.

When you get into bargaining about these things, you also surrender your personal power and fail to maintain your personal values.

Deciding which rules are negotiable and which are non-negotiable and sticking to this is a first step. Knowing what your own values and morals are and living by them is another way to set clear guidelines for your child.

For more information concerning moral choices see ‘The Way to Happiness’, a moral non-religious code used by millions of people:

www.thewaytohappiness.org/#/precepts

Grant Hudson
for Greenfields School